Preemptive Retaliation

The title says it all here. In videogames, I hate ice levels. I hate that they have the same blue/grey/white colour pallets. I hate that they have the same bullshit mechanics that are just unfun for the player. I hate the winds that freeze the characters in place, or pushes them back. I hate that, when frozen, there’s a good few moments of the game where I’m not actually playing. I’m just watching nothing happen on screen, apart from my health slowly dropping due to frost damage. I hate the deep drifts of snow that slow characters walking, that make them less manoeuvrable. I hate, hate, hate the ice floors that cause the characters to slip and slide, that makes movement a frustrating game of momentum management, where tight controls are replaced by floaty, unresponsive inputs. I hate sliding block puzzles.

But, mostly, I hate how cold they are. How desolate. I’m replaying Twilight Princess just now and finished the ice level yesterday. The dungeon is arguably one of the best in the game, really well designed, but I hated how Link had to be out in the cold and ice the whole time. Earlier this year I played Ghost of Tsushima which had a whole final act in the snow, and I hated that all the beauty of the other areas led into somewhere so desperately cold. Even the flawless, most magnificent, greatest game of all time Outer Wilds has an ice level, with slippy floors and tunnels like all other ice levels. And I hate it because inside holds one of the most tragic events in the whole game, and when you’re in there is no escape, there is nothing you can go, except wait for the clock to run out. And it’s cold. It’s very, very cold.

I hate ice levels. I don’t want to be cold.