Preemptive Retaliation

I’ve started this entry four times now, and deleted the opening paragraph each time. One of them was lamenting the decline of my physical health – I’m at a low point right now, with a cold sore providing the litmus test or how run down I am – and another was talking about my mental health – conflicting priorities at work, late nights on projects that don’t matter, a general feeling of my life spiralling out of my control – and then an out-of-context ponder about how much of myself should I share on this site, this very public site under my real name? – until I look at the stats and see that no one really visits this site anyway, but that spurned another post because the number that visit is more than zero and I don’t know how they get here since I have no presence on the internet, really?

So here’s to number five, because here I am and I really want to write something. I want to clack my keys into a haphazard rhythm and come up with thoughts and words, not necessarily in that order.

The redraft of my yet-untitled AI novel is still plodding along. I pushed past my anxieties of actually finishing something and have started the Official Second Draft. On my screen I have the old draft on the left, a fresh word doc on the right, and the physical annotated copy of draft one on my desk. It’s good to hear my fingers tap away and rediscover the beat from last year, and how good that beat feels too.

I say this about every project before I get sick of it; but I think this one is really special. There’s a spark to it that I adore, and it’s got a style that’s very fun to re-read and re-write. We’ll see how I feel in a few months time, but for now I’m excited. I’m excited to show you what I’ve done.