Preemptive Retaliation

Last year I read some books and played some videogames. I didn’t read as many books as I would have liked to, and I guess I never do, but I mostly enjoyed what I read and had the fortitude to drop the things I didn’t. Same with videogames. I’ve always said that life is too short to endure things you don’t enjoy, and it’s only in the past few years that I’ve embraced that advice for myself instead of thoughtlessly bestowing it on others.

So this year I read some books and played some videogames. I’m not going to go over all of them, because I don’t need yet another post waxing lyrical about Zelda, but here’s a few that I want to talk about.

Fun Home - Alison Bechdel

I went into this book with the wrong idea, that it was going to be a recount of a singular scandal in the author’s life – and instead came out with a poignant reflection on grief and identity. Everything I try to write about it comes out as trite or ignorant, but here goes; it made me consider that LGBTQ people are not of the same country as me. I assumed that we lived in the same space and experienced the same things, albeit I would have less prejudice and fear amongst other things. This book broke me out of that, and showed me that the gay community is more than a collection spaces, but a culture in of itself. A foreign country to me, with its own history and language. I quickly went from admonishing Bechdel’s father for having affairs, to sympathising with him for being trapped in the society he was in, and how he and others paved the way for future LGBTQ people to thrive and be who they are. Some select quotes that stuck with me are, “It’s true that he didn’t kill himself until I was nearly twenty. But his absence resonated retroactively, echoing back through all the time I knew him. Maybe it was the converse of the way amputees feel pain in a missing limb. H really was there all those years, a flesh-and-blood presence steaming off the wallpaper, digging up the dogwoods, polishing the finials, smelling of sawdust and sweat ad designer cologne. But I ached as if he were already gone.” And, also, “For a wild moment I entertained the idea that my father had timed his death with this in mind, as some sort of deranged tribute. But that would only confirm that his death was not my fault. That, in fact, it had nothing to do with me at all. And I’m reluctant to let go of that last, tenuous bond.”

I mean, goddamn.

It’s Lonely at the Centre of the Earth – Zoe Thorogood

I don’t have any notes to look back on for this book. All I have are screenshots of panels and quotes. A t-shirt that says “I am an artist I am allowed to publicly scream and cry and piss my pants” on the front and “And I expect to be applauded for it” on the back. A panicked moment where the author is asked to sign her book and thinks, “I should say something profound and author-y. What would Neil Gaiman say?”. My favourite quote, which is just white text on a black panel, reads, “I used to think my art didn’t matter until it was published, but I was so wrong.” which could be taken either way depending on your mood.

Like all autobiographical stories, it tends to meander and fizzle out at the end, but I thoroughly enjoyed the ride, in a sense. Watching this person navigate the world with their anxiety and depression and self-loathing was funnier than it had any right to be. Though for every joke there was a countered moment of heartbreak.

Goodbye, Eri – Tatsuki Fujimoto

I think I’m just a big fan of art pretending to be something it’s not. Or, more accurately, using other art as a framework to tell its story. This graphic novel is a film. A film about filming a film, and then how that film was filmed, layered and layered on top of each other so you don’t quite know what’s real and what’s made up – but, then again, it’s all made up, because it isn’t actually a film it’s a graphic novel.

It makes me think on why I tend to write my stories in differently formatted ways. Things Keep happening changes perspective tense depending on narrator, The Making Of is you watching a film in a cinema, my other almost-abandoned project is two people walking through an art gallery discussing the photos. Am I making a comment about art as perception, or removing myself from the process by putting it on another level? Oh jeez that’s something to think about.

My book list last year is mostly graphic novels, aside from a reread of Franny and Zooey by Salinger, which I hold on the same level of Catcher in the Rye as books that keep changing meaning the older I get.

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The videogames I played way outweigh the books by a huge margin, but again I’m not going to write on them all. I’ve written enough about Tears of the Kingdom already, and there’s nothing new I can add to the discourse around Baldurs Gate 3, and I don’t want to think about Elden Ring until I’m ready to forget it and start again. Mike and I have dove deep into playing multiplayer games together again which has resulted in many evenings crying with laughter. I have another group that I played with on Mondays which, sadly, fell apart towards the end of the year.

Lily started taking her biggest steps in videogames this year. We played together on Fridays before summer, and then Saturday mornings when she started school. We played through the entirety of Let’s Go Pikachu which is an experience I don’t think I’ll ever forget. She insisted on naming all of her mainstay pokemon after her friends and family, leading to a Zapdos being called Auntie Janis which is just perfect. I thought she would gravitate towards the cutesy pokemon, but instead she insisted that Grimer and Muk were part of the team, and she was desperate to get a Machamp. She learned pokemon types and strengths and weaknesses, and defeated the Elite Four almost all by herself. There’s a pokemon poster in her room with the first 150 listed, the same poster I used to have on my wall, and is this why parents get their kids invested in the same sports teams? So I can see my old stuff through their eyes and re-experience the magic?

Towards the end of the year she’s been cutting her teeth in Minecraft. 3D space is difficult for her to navigate, not to mention moving and looking at the same time, but she’s getting there. I built her a house and a minecart rollercoaster, and she acts as the canary on my shoulder when I dig into mines – warning me when I go too deep and too far from home.

I’m excited to see where we go next. I’m keen to show her Zelda, to introduce her to that world. But maybe not yet.