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Preemptive Retaliation

The site and blog of Joe Timms, writer.

2024

Books

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read – Phillipa Perry (audiobook)

I spent the first part of the year exploring audiobooks and this was the first one I tried out. I had an awkward conversation about this book with my Mum once, and never spoke about it again, but it did teach me some valuable lessons when it comes to my kids. Mostly, and this is going to be bonkers to write out, mostly it’s that they’re little people, trying to figure things out and getting it wrong. They don’t like tantruming, they don’t like screaming, and my job is to help them through that.

Leaders Eat Last – Simon Sinek (audiobook)

Part of my “do better at my actual job” schtick, and I don’t know how much actually did stick. I try to run my meetings with my colleagues talking. I prompt them, I listen to them. Maybe it has worked.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow – Gabrielle Zevin (half and half)

This was the book that got me back into reading this year. I saw that Spotify had it as an audiobook and started listening along, and then I bought the physical book so I could read it when I didn’t feel like listening. In the end I transitioned to solely reading, and that was that.

The ability to translate videogames to writing is something that’s always enticed me and eluded me, and this book does a good job bridging the gap.

Radical Candour – Kim Scott (audiobook)

Tough this one, because I understand its message without wanting to follow it. Basically it preaches to have honest conversations, to not hold back, to not waste time, but I find that hard still.

Boyfriends – Michael Pederson

How often do I tell my friends that I value and love them? Not enough, by a long shot. This astoundingly beautiful book written as an ode to Scott Hutchinson is a reminder that I should appreciate those who are around me, and made me think of all the things I love about them. This can be more broad, but it relates to the relationship of men, of how we men interact with each other and how difficult it can be to ignore that barrier.

This book made me ashamed and jealous in its vulnerability. It was so open in its grief and love. I wish my writing was even half as honest.

Never Let Me Go – Kazuo Ishiguro

I wrote about this before and I’m not going to wax lyrical, but this book changed me I guess. Wait, I just glanced over that post and turns out I didn’t even talk about the book. Fuck it, here we go.

This book is astounding, on all fronts. The prose is elegant and beautiful, the story is haunting and heart-breaking, the characters are relatable yet so alien. I was absorbed and enthralled, and I recommended it to everyone I saw. It taught me that voice is king, and that it can carry you through dire circumstances. I’m sure the novel I’m writing now wouldn’t be half the novel it would be without reading this.

Three Body Problem – Liu Cixin

I have been gifted this book on two separate occasions, which either says something about me or the book. Turns out it wasn’t for me. There were some aspects I found appealing – some evocative imagery or idea – but mostly it fell flat. I couldn’t shake the idea that someone was trying to be incredibly smart with the science, which made some of the dumb decisions shine out brighter.

Oracle Night – Paul Auster

Auster is an author I don’t admit that I love, for some unknown reason. Here he crafts and amazing story of prophecy and fate, and I found myself following along for every predicted twist. I have my gripes – I found the meta narrative a bit forced, with a slew of deus ex machinas of problems, but it was still a brilliant book. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Auster is a writer’s writer, and I spend most of my time wondering if I’m too uncultured/dumb to recognise what’s going on, but I love every moment of it.

A Court of Thorns and Roses – Sarah J Mass

Anna asked me to read this and I enjoyed it for the most part. A thick book with lots of filler, not as much sex as the internet promised, and most of the interesting stuff crammed into the last fifty pages or so. Anna went on to read the whole series but I stopped here. My time wasn’t wasted – it is a good book with a grand idea and lovely hooks – but not enough to keep me going.

The Impending Blindness of Billi Scott – Zoe Thorogood

I’m a huge, huge fan of It’s Lonely at the Centre of the World and wanted to read this as a result. It’s a fairly obvious first novel/graphic novel, with a saccharine ending and formulaic characters, but there’s a lot I like about it. It’s hopeful, which is nice. It’s hopeful.

Three Into One Does Go – Stephen Cashmore

A good friend’s father wrote this novel, and I feel conflicted because I didn’t enjoy it and in the end I didn’t finish it. I guess it wasn’t for me.

Sharp Objects – Gillian Flynn

A twisty, turny book. I felt that it relied a lot on the knowledge of what semi-rural towns in America were like, which I had none of and so felt somewhat lost in my imagination. Still, the story and characters kept me hooked and begging to find out how it ended. Plus, after decades of media showing inept police investigators, it was refreshing to find one that was actually competent at their job.

Fragile Animals – Genevieve Jagger

I have legitimately written about this one before, and I feel I should expand and clarify slightly. I was on 404 Books for another reason and saw the blurb for this book and, again for some reason, it captivated me. A woman avoids questions of her sexuality by hiding on a Scottish island and as such begins a relationship with a vampire. I was immediately awash with imagery. Reading this book was brilliant. It was truly well written, but well written like a debut. There’s beauty here, and there’s a lot of promise. I love this book, and it might be my favourite book of the year.

“I am sick of looking in mirrors made of men.” I mean, isn’t that so good? Isn’t that just so fucking good? I want to kiss my fingers in a chef’s toast. Mwah, mwah, mwah, what a book.

Centauri’s Shadow – Ross Garner

I logged back into Facebook for a curious gander and happened to do so at the same time that an old university friend published his first book. Of course I had to support it. This is my second non-completed of the year. It’s hard for anything to shine after Fragile Animals, but this was tough on me. I found myself rewriting it as I read it, finding better ways to frame things, questioning the format and style as I went, to the point where I saw it more as a frustrating writing exercise than a book to enjoy.

Yellow Face – Rebecca F Kuang

I tried explaining my feelings towards this book to a few people, and I don’t think I’ve gotten it right since they all give me such a weird look. I find it to be deliciously frustrating to have a character accused of something that they did do, but is impossible to prove that they did it. They are being accused for all the wrong reasons, but by way of irony, the accusation is correct. There is something deeply unfair yet karmically just about that. As with a lot of books, this one prompted me to think about my privilege as a white male author, something that I benefit from whilst also having to navigate a world where underrepresented voices are being given a wider platform. A great book, and a great lead into my current project.

Klara and the Sun – Kazuo Ishiguro

My second Ishiguro of the year, and one that came at the best/worst time. I read this whilst plotting out the story beats for my latest novel, and as such it filled me with such hope and desperation, to the point where I thought about abandoning my project. I spoke about it to a friend, and he asked me, “Do you want to give up on your novel because it’s not good, or it’s just not as good as Klara? Because one is fair and the other is not.” It’s beautifully written, with the perspective of the AI being so foreign yet so familiar and so childlike. Bittersweet and beautiful.

The Moustache – Emmanuel Ca

Ah, this fucking book. An excellent example of gaslighting, which then turns into not gaslighting at all – or is it? I love it when fiction twists in the most unsurreal ways, where the perspective is so unironically sure of itself that madness is out of the question, until the madness creeps in – welcoming and insidious. Honestly one of the scariest books I’ve read, with the implication of a mind locked into its perspective, never knowing how right or wrong it could be.

I am AI – Ai Jiang

I picked this up as a companion to my own AI novel as a way of broadening my horizons, and it came recommended by google/the algorithm. It was nice enough and didn’t outstay its welcome.

4321 – Paul Auster

I was obsessed with this book for a solid month. The premise of multiple lives spinning out from a single person isn’t new, but what captivated me was the rambling storytelling of each version of Ferguson. So many mundane details spread out over a thousand pages, and I couldn’t wait to read them all. The differences between each life was interesting, the links between them even more, but I could just read this man talk about nothing all fucking day. I could read about his thoughts on movies, on politics, on the depression of Paris and the well-trodden pitfalls of teenage love. It’s like listening to a charming old gaffer at the pub ramble on with a story, interrupting himself every few minutes with a tangent which itself is interrupted with another tangent, until they all spread and come back together to make the perfect point that you perfectly understand because the time was taken for you to understand it. Truly, it’s a book that’s more voice than anything else – but what a voice it is.

Oh boy I took a lot of photos or this one – but in my defence they are fucking good. That last one, for the context of it all, really stung. “The gods looked down from their mountain and shrugged.”

The gods looked down from their mountain and fucking shrugged.

Ancillary Justice – Ann Leckie

The opposite of Klara and the Sun but in all the right ways. Less thinky, more actiony. Less grounded, more world building. Less drama, more dramatics. Ultimately I enjoyed this book but don’t want to pursue it further – the pulpy space opera just isn’t for me I suppose. There were some interesting ideas and it was well written, but I guess with my books I want a bit more. More of what, I’m not sure. But just more, please.

Deliver Me – Elle Nash

I enjoyed this book, but it was a struggle to read. I think that’s by design, as it’s a horror book really – but less frights and scares and more disturbances. I found it wonderful but uncomfortable to read. If I had polished it off in October that would be grand, but given I was still reading it in December it became a bit disjointed for my festive mood.

Come As You Are – Emily Nagoski (audiobook)

Eye opening. Sometimes when thinking about sex and sexuality it’s easy to get wrapped up in myself, to think of everything through my lens and my experience/feelings. This was instrumental in giving me perspective, giving me space, and understanding the other side of the equation.

Heart: The city beneath – Grant Howitt and Christopher Taylor

This is a TTRPG book, but I’m including it as I’ve read it about three times through (and gotten the rules wrong every fucking time). I think I’ll write about my experience with reading and running this game when I’m done with it. In short – it’s been an experience in collaboration that’s hard to not learn a lesson from.

Videogames

Baldur’s Gate 3

This game consumed me. I was so captivated by its story, by its vibes, that I spent so long scouring the final act just to find more things to do to elongate the experience. And then when it was all done I launched right into it twice over – to an ill-fated multiplayer adventure and to an attempt at an evil run… which in the end I couldn’t do. I couldn’t undo the work my original character had done, I couldn’t reverse their decisions. It felt wrong. Maybe one day I’ll go back and relive it, but for now the story of the shapeshifting druid Angel Slice and her group of merry adventurers will stay with me for a good while more.

Mario Wonder

So this was a great game, but let down because I can’t help but compare it to its betters. Its got lots of style and challenge, but not nearly as much charm as something like Mario Odyssey. In the end I didn’t complete it, as I found myself getting distracted with other games or wanting to write instead or, probably mostly, wanting to play Odyssey.

Celeste 64

An absolute delight. It’s Celeste, but in quirky N64 graphics. What’s not to like?

Remnant 2

This game was good but flawed. A huge improvement on the first, but still suffering from the same trappings of getting stuck in a build and having to run with it. It was a great multiplayer romp, though we ended up with a corrupt save file in the end which really soured the experience.

Case of the Golden Idol – DLC

Sometimes I don’t know if I would enjoy a game as much if I didn’t have people with me to go through it. Golden Idol has been Mike and I’s thing for a while, and sitting over Discord solving improbable mysteries together is a wonderful experience. This is a great game, yes, but made all the better with friends.

King of the Bridge

A quirky fun little puzzle game that was over a bit too soon.

Slay the Princess

I had fun with this game but was put back by this promise of an “complete edition” which I didn’t have yet. I found an ending that I was happy with, but now I feel like chump for not waiting until it was “complete”. Still the time I had with it was a good time, and maybe one day it would be good to sink back into for few hours.

Helldivers 2

I have so many memories of the hijinks and adventures of the first game that I had to try this one. And it was great!…? I enjoyed the game and the frantic battle for survival, but I also felt the weird guilt/embarrassment. There were a group of friends who were playing at the same time, and when I hopped on for a game they would join, or ask me to join theirs – and the problem is that they were all so fucking good at the game, and had played it for longer than I had to the degree that they were quite literally carrying me. I thought I could get round this by playing privately, but even then I felt like a burden more than an asset, and then playing completely solo was either too easy, too hard, or too lonely.

I don’t know, maybe this is saying more about me than the game, that I couldn’t enjoy a social experience without being overwhelmed by self consciousness.

Who am I kidding, of course it does.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Like all Metroidvanias, this consumed me. I started pixel hunting every room, trying all corners for secrets or items, so that by the time I hit the final boss I was overpowered as shit. I also found a weapon combo that made the game wholly too easy, and used that to power through.

I think that this game is a legacy game for the requirement to replay it. There are modern games that do this, but there’s something very “rent from Blockbuster over the weekend and try something new” about this game. It’s designed to be the only game you have, and you’re supposed to play it over and over.

Frankly, that’s not who I am.

Cyberpunk 2077

I hesitate to include this game in this list, because I didn’t get too deep into it, and I feel like I should really get back to it. I don’t know, this is like the third time I’ve started this game, and this is the furthest I’ve managed to get before dropping off. It’s a game that I’ve been told over and over and over is a good game, and either I’ve been unlucky enough to pick it up at the wrong time in my life, or I just don’t like it and I’m subjecting myself to too much peer pressure.

Lil Gator Game

This was a Lily game, something we played together on Saturday mornings when the house was quiet. She enjoyed it for the most part, but a lot of the language of the game is lost to her. It references videogames, and videogame culture, and learned practices that I accept as normal but are unsure for her. A cute, funny game.

Hades

I had an itch. This was pat of my 2020 line up. When I would finish up a session of Monster Hunter and we would be idly chatting before logging off I’d load up Hades and try a quick run. With all the talk of Hades 2 I wanted to revisit it – and it still stands as an incredible game. Sadly it lost some of its fervour between playthroughs (I didn’t finish it this time. I got a complete, and I think I was ok with that) but it’s still a wonderful game.

Control

I actually played this game through to completion a few years back but returned to it after I got jealous of all the people playing Alan Wake 2. It was great to get back into, and I found myself pivoting my powers to something new to keep things fresh. I was excited to play the DLC but ended up burning myself out by that point – making it through one before stopping. A great game though, and I’m excited for the eventual sequel.

Animal Well

This game was a cultural lightening strike, where for a few weeks it seemed like everyone was playing it. I found myself in a similar area as to Mike and I’s ages ago playthrough of The Witness (which I hold to such high reverence, a high water mark of a gaming experience, not necessarily for the game but for the person I was with, the time we were in, the time we spent on it. It’s a high I’ve been chasing for almost a decade and one that will never be met again). Unfortunately I was playing much quicker than they were, and their interest faded before mine did (a nice inverse of Helldivers 2). A quirky twisty puzzler that thinks it’s smarter than it is, and is often smarter than that.

Diablo 4

A few years back I got really into Cookie Clicker. My obsession only lasted a weekend, but in that weekend I almost set my phone on fire with how much I played it. Diablo 4 is that, but occasionally I have to press a button. I was surprised when I died in this game. It was easy, and simple, and the hardest decisions I had to make were what piece of loot would I equip to increase a stat of mine for an undetectable amount? That was a run on sentence for a run on game. I enjoyed my time with it because it was co-op and I enjoyed talking with my friend, but otherwise I don’t see the hype.

Braid

I have fond memories of this game, having picked it up on the infamous Humble Indie Bundle from way back when. The HD upgrade was nice, and figuring out the puzzles I had forgotten was a treat. This was more of a trip down memory lane, a cozy run through of fifteen years ago.

Celeste

I think I’ve written about this game enough already. It’s been a cornerstone of this year, to the point where Lily even refers to it here and there – using it as an example of triumph through determination, of failure being the precursor to success.

I can’t wait until I replay this game in ten years.

Tactical Breach Wizards

It’s a shame that I came to this game at the wrong time. I think I was beginning to really ramp up my writing and games started sliding to the wayside, and whilst I was charmed by this game and its writing and comedy it wasn’t enough to keep me hooked.

If I had infinite money and no job and no kids and no responsibilities, I would love to make an afternoon out of this game. Give me a hot coffee, some salty chocolate, some pizza to throw on and a whisky in the evening and I would have a great time with this game. I’d like to go back to it. It’d be good to go back to it, when I’m less concerned about writing and less concerned about ‘making it’.

Steamworld Dig 2

What’s this? A Metroidvania? Exploration focused? With a satisfying gameplay loop? And I can play on my Steam Deck until I’m burnt out and feeling sick of it, and then it ends with a wimper?

Sign me the fuck up.

Psuedoregalia

Another Metroidvania, but short and sweet and janky and oh so satisfying. The comparison made to Mario Odyssey has been made enough, and I agree that when you get the movement right it just feels RIGHT. The flips and kicks and wall kicks, and when it comes all together it’s chefs kiss good. When I was done I immediately wanted more, and it’s a shame the developer isn’t doing anything with it right now, but I’m excited for what comes next.

Star Wars – Jedi Survivor

I’m realising now that I was on a Metroidvania binge. I thoroughly enjoyed the first game and expected the same from this one, but… I guess less is more? This game opens up into an expansive hubworld, with little missions extending into different areas. I was enjoying myself, but felt that after a few hours I discovered all I needed to about the gameplay loop. The new lightsaber styles were interesting and I immediately leaned into them, but even that grew a bit stale. I enjoyed my time with the game but was eager to drop it for something new. Blame it on Metroidvania burnout.

Balatro

I said I wouldn’t get this game. I knew it was addictive. I had watched Mike play once and the game juice was off the charts. But it came to mobile and I got it and I couldn’t put it down for about three weeks straight. I burned through my battery so many times.

My love affair with it was short but brilliant – after a good few hours and a number of different challenges completed the appeal was suddenly lost to me, and I haven’t opened it since. But, still, what a flash of incredible addictiveness from this game!

Mouthwashing

This game was hovering on my peripherals before I took the plunge with it and ended up on a very wild few hours. The game is more disturbing than scary, with the insidious way that the evil creeps up on you. It moves from unsettling to disturbing to hopeless, and as you learn more about the characters that are stuck on the ship. the writing is spot on, with an often referenced late game speech which is sublimely written.

This game will stick with me, I think.

The Last of Us

This is a tough one, because I don’t know if I spoiled it by watching the TV show first, or if I’ve spoiled the TV show by playing this one after. It’s almost exactly beat for beat, shot for shot the same story, with some amendments here and there.

I want to avoid just ragging on this game, as I find myself really on two sides on whether I enjoyed it. On the one hand I got a bit bored of the constant cycle of quiet area-story area-stealth area (humans or zombies)-action area (humans or zombies)-ad infinitum, though I can’t deny that each section didn’t outlast its welcome and at times had great emotional impact. There were times where I really engaged with the mechanics, and navigated the challenges in an immensely satisfying way, but most of the time I was stressed out. I wanted to play the game, but for the most part the minute-to-minute gameplay was distressing for me. The story was great, though I already knew it, and it was an experience play someone who is legitimately an awful person. Joel is the protagonist, but he’s not a hero. In fact he consistently makes choices that remove his humanity and focuses on his own self-serving needs. But, then again, it’s desperate times isn’t it? 

I don’t know. I feel as though I could write a lot about this game, but I don’t quite feel smart enough to do so – nor do I have the inclination to. I enjoyed it. It was great. I’ll play the next one, for sure. 

Donut County

On slow afternoons or quiet evenings after dinner, when the chores are done and the next day is set up, and I’m wiling down the time until the kids go to bed, sometimes I want to play a videogame. The thing is, most of my games include violence or language or something else unsuitable, so I can’t play it with the kids around. Xbox gamepass has been great for this since I can pick up safe games on the fly – and that’s what this was. Unfortunately Lily took an interest in this too and hijacked me playing it, which meant that a lot of the good parts of the game (the writing and humour) were skipped over. But, saying that, it was wonderful watching her get to grip with some of the puzzles, and grin when the hole got bigger and bigger.

1000xRESIST

So this would easily be my game of the year, if it weren’t for the fact that it’s not actually a game. Well that’s unfair – it’s a visual novel, which is a game but not a game I usually go for. It’s absolutely sublime though. A twisting narrative of memory and emotion, telling an incredibly epic tale spanning thousands of years and lightyears. I was excited every night to come back to this game and watch it unfurl in front of me. It’s an incredible feat of storytelling.

Dredge

So I picked this up and blasted through it during a bout of sickness. The loop is so satisfying in this game – fish, sell, upgrade, explore, fish, sell, upgrade, repeat. If the game had only been that – upgrading your ship and expanding your fishing empire – I would’ve played for days and days. Instead it leans into the horror to create a story, and it’s a good one at that – but not what I was needing when I was ill. It’s a shame, because a lot of love has gone into this game, with the breadcrumbs of lore and story, but I missed it all because my monkey brain was so connected to the loop. In the end the horror stuff got in the way for me, which is antitheses to the whole point of the game. It’s a great game, and one I understand the acclaim for, but one that I played at the wrong time in my life.

Carrying into 2025…

The City & The City – China Miéville
I dropped one or two books in their first few chapters before this one took hold of me. The setting is so intriguing here, even with the second city only being hinted at where I’ve read to. An unnamed, Eastern European coded city of rundown beauty. It’s sparsely written, which makes me think I’m missing something by not analysing each page, but we’ll see where its twists and turns take me.

Indiana Jones and the Great Circle
What a game! A charming playable Indiana Jones film. There’s an immersive sim element which stressed me out at first. I’m used to the Dishonoured games, where I have to stealth my way through a section, and if I’m spotted that’s an instant failure for me. Not with this game, I’m Indiana Jones! If I get spotted, I punch them! I run away! It’s perfect. I keep wanting to use the word charming more than once, but that’s bad writing.

Rise of the Golden Idol
Played an evening of this with friends on Discord, just a few scenes, and boy does this scratch an itch. A wonderful detective game that I’m looking forward to delving deeper into.

Wartales
Another multiplayer adventure – we were just starting out before redoing our adventure, and we’re really enjoying it! I’m playing with someone who is very tactically minded, which is useful in a game that relies on synergies and combinations to work out together. I’m looking forward to where the stories take us, and what the relationships between our characters will evolve into.