Preemptive Retaliation

Before the new year I stumbled upon an open submission for stories and poems. Every year Speculative Books collects short stories and poems to publish, and I fired in a story of mine – a quick, two-hundred and fifty word piece… and it got in! I am over the moon.

Though my first reaction was that it must be a terrible book to accept me in it.

I’m sure that’s not the case though, and I eagerly await my copy to thumb through and proudly slot into a bookshelf. That will be coming next month. In the mean time there’s a book launch, virtual, that I will be attending. I’ve confirmed on facebook but I don’t know if I’ll attend just yet. Maybe. I should. I feel as though they were desperate for submissions and accepted me to fill a page count, as a piece of mortar between bricks.

This is all imposter syndrome and anxiety and self-worth issues bubbling away, I know it.

My novel redraft is coming along well. I’ve revised my two largest chapters, which means that about one fifth of the book is done. I think that’ll probably be a piece of feedback when I hand it over to friends for their thoughts – chapter 13 and chapter 19 are three times the length of any other chapter in the book. It’s needed though. I think.

Still, I’m chugging along with it, and when it’s done it’s done. I’ll have another piece of work that I can stand by and call mine, even if it isn’t that good.

This is a less substantial update since I’ve been procrastinating. I’ll be more thoughtful and lyrical next time, and hopefully less anxious but probably more.