Preemptive Retaliation

So. It’s been a while.

I can think of a few reasons why I haven’t updated this blog, but I won’t list them all here. The main one is that redrafting my novel isn’t going as well as I would have liked, and every time I come on here to write about it I convince myself not to. Instead I watch a youtube video or check reddit or something else. Occasionally I write.

I had a conversation about it with Mike the other day. He’s gradually becoming my own personal cheerleader. He read my first draft, my rough, rough draft that I completed in February, and he had some nice things to say about it. He thinks that there’s a theme running through it, there’s a character making decisions and those decisions are affecting them. He says the plot is convoluted, but gripping, with only a few sections where I stretch the suspension of disbelief. He was very kind about it. I’m not sure what I did to deserve him.

Rewriting it is difficult. And yes, I mean rewriting instead of editing. When it came to my first novel, editing was easy. I had everything I wanted to say nice and laid out. All I had to do was make sure it made sense, make sure it flowed. I added a few chapters here and there, but mostly the story was complete, I was only polishing. With this novel I feel as though I need to break it down and remake it. And it. is. a. slog.

My usual process for editing is to open the original document plus a fresh one, and lay them side by side. On the blank document I retype, word for word, the original, until I find something to rewrite; whether that’s through written notes or what I’ve found during the flow of rewriting. When I first started editing this novel I did that. I started out with the two documents, reworking what I had written, focusing it and expanding it at the same time. But then there was a point, I don’t know when, where things diverged. The story is still the same, where I’m working off the same beats, but I am completely changing what the scene is about. I add a few characters, I rearrange the dialogue points… it’s the same but different. And that makes its own problems, because now it feels as though I’m just writing a brand new draft of it all. Which, I understand, is half the point of editing.

But then it’s not the point at all.

I think that, after writing this thing for so long, I should have it nailed down by now. I should have the scenes mapped out, the characters nice and fleshy, the themes and plot and feel of the thing pretty solid… with only a little polishing to do. I shouldn’t be rewriting the entire thing at this point.

And, the worst thing is, it’s not even that good. It’s not a good enough novel, or at least what I would consider good enough, to merit so many rewrites. It doesn’t even merit that much thought. It’s a pseudo-satire noir in an interesting setting. That’s it. There’s nothing new or groundbreaking, or even that insightful. It was supposed to be written for a bit of fun, and I’m not having that much fun anymore.