Preemptive Retaliation

Over the past 8 weeks I have played my fill of Life is Strange, Oxenfree, Oblivion, Fallout New Vegas, Portal 1+2, and I’ve almost completed my story in Banner Saga 3. Turns out having a baby frees up a lot of time to play videogames. Whodathunkit.

This initially started out as a way of coping with late nights that I had to stay awake through. I picked the Portal games to begin with since they were simple and Anna likes listening to Stephen Merchant. When we settled into a routine and I would take Lily in the morning – whisking her downstairs to give Anna a few hours uninterrupted sleep – I had to switch to games that could be easily played with a baby cradled in my arms. Things that didn’t need quick reactions were in need to keep her content, so I went into Oxenfree and Life is Strange. Oxenfree was an absolute delight to run through, with scenes that made me genuinely think of the impact of my decisions and, legitimately, give me fear. It was very charming.

One of my favourite things about it is that I didn’t want to play it again when I was done. Without revealing too much, the game focuses on the cyclical nature of things, and urges you to play through the events again, this time making different decisions and choosing different outcomes. I was curious about what the other endings could hold, but mostly I was satisfied with my own ending. My story was rounded off in a way I was happy with. My characters had grown and prevailed and were dealing with the consequences of their decisions. Although I enjoyed the game and wouldn’t mind spending more time in its world, I didn’t want to undo all the good that my characters went through.

I tried Life is Strange but gave up after the first chapter due to the wooden, dead-eyed characters and cringey writing. Couldn’t get past it.

Had the same problem with Oblivion, which I honestly gave a few good hours to before giving up on it. Fallout New Vegas kept Lily and I occupied for many long mornings, though I managed to cut it short before burning out like with Hollow Knight last year. I thoroughly enjoyed the premise that kicks off the game; you have been shot in the head. Find the man that did it.

I went in trying to roleplay it as best as I could. I was a stunning femme fatale, smart as a whip and charismatic as fuck with a trusty pistol keeping me safe. I tried to reframe decisions and think on what actions this character would take. She wouldn’t run gung-ho into that radioactive vault, it was far too dangerous without help. She wouldn’t try to change someone’s mind by force, she would talk them out if it. It was an interesting way of playing and kept me thinking on my feet on how to tackle the problems that the world gave me. For a while.

Although I was enjoying my limited run through, I still found myself collecting quests everywhere I went. Even though I had the choice of following through or not, I still found that I would go out of my way to check off a box and get the experience. As the hours progressed I found myself less concerned with how the character would deal with things and more focused on finishing off each questline to give me maximum points. This led to a stressful ending, where I realised that – when choosing which faction ultimately takes over in the game – I didn’t have any idea what my character would want. Somewhere between level 1 and 20 she had lost all of her personality and characteristics, and just became another shell for me to max/min my play experience. I couldn’t finish her story because I had played her badly.

And so now I’m working through The Banner Saga 3. I enjoyed the first two games so much that I helped kickstart this third one and, just like the previous two, boy do I hate playing this game. The Banner Saga games are stress generators disguised as strategy games. Throughout the series you’re responsible for two dozen or so main playable characters plus a few hundred unseen extras that make up your caravan (plus a tenfold more seemingly in this game), with every decision you make affecting them, usually for the worse. I’m given ambiguous solutions to ambiguous problems and as a result characters get injured or die, all the while the screen displays a countdown to disaster. I hate playing this game. The other night I had a brief quite moment with both Lily and Anna in bed, and chose a completely different game to this one to unwind to – knowing that if I attempted any more of The Banner Saga I would just work myself up to a sleepless night. I do not like playing this game, and yet I am having great fun with it.

Part of this, I think, is how it refuses to force a character on me and instead lets me be… me. It asks questions and posits situations, all while referring to the character as “you”. I’m not controlling anyone directly, I’m not watching through their eyes or floating over their shoulder. The characters find themselves in situations and I get to direct what they do next, sometimes to heart-breaking results. At first I was worried that I wasn’t enjoying the game really, that all I was doing was the same as Fallout and just maximising my chances for success, until an in-game character pretty much called me out on it. This character was fleeing the city for a pretty good reason, and my character had the choice to insult her, admonish her or let her go. I thought of it for a while, couldn’t blame her for her choices, and let her go freely. It was then that she turned to my character – or, more accurately, me – and said that there are no right or wrong decisions, just choices, and whatever will happen will happen.

And boy howdy I immediately took that to heart.

It didn’t matter what sort of choices I made, because the game would continue on anyway and the game would still end. The story would come to a conclusion based on my actions. It would still end.

It reminded me of playing Mass Effect 2 and resetting the game when characters died in the suicide mission. I was so determined to get the “good” ending, to make sure I wasn’t missing out on anyone’s story, that I didn’t even consider that I was ruining the story I created as a result. Instead of having a story of companionship and loss, I instead have memories of grinding through a slog to make sure all my characters made it. I didn’t care about them. I didn’t care that some of them died or not. I wasn’t into the game as much as I should’ve been. I wasn’t roleplaying like I was meant to.

And yet, in The Banner Saga, I am. The game batters you over the head with simple decisions that have far reaching consequences. Often these decisions have more negatives than positives, so there’s the constant feeling that I’m making the wrong decision, but I don’t think I’m working towards a “bad” ending that seems prevalent in videogames. I’m just working towards and ending, and the decisions I make will affect the details of that ending.

And, just like Oxenfree, I don’t think I’d want to play it again and see how things turn out. I’m not interested in in alternative endings or differing storylines, because this storyline is mine. I’m not trying to max my “good” ending by playing certain quests or adventures or taking certain actions, I am truly getting involved in the game by actually caring about what happens to its inhabitants. I am roleplaying effectively.

So far The Banner Saga 3 is a great game. It seems to be pulling all the threads of the previous two games into a finely knotted conclusion. I’m excited to see how my decisions have affected that, and where my story ends up in this tale.