Preemptive Retaliation

So after over two hours of muddling my way through the IRS website, I still have no idea whether or not I have to pay American tax. I do, however, know that I am referred to as a non-resident alien, which is kind of cool but still weird because why does the IRS need to refer to me at all? Despite an ultimate goal of literary fame and awe, having the American tax people know who I am is slightly unsettling.

Because I sold a single copy of my book through Amazon’s US site, they have sent me a tax form with bolded, underlined words of WE NEED TO SEND YOU THIS and DON’T ASK US WHAT IT’S FOR which was slightly alarming but ok. I’m left with a confusing looking tax form with information I have no idea about, no idea what to do, but now I have a strange feeling of anxiety and worry. I immediately had the image of me showing up in America, one day, any day, and be turned back at the border by some tense looking border guard, sneering that someone who doesn’t pay his taxes isn’t welcome in the land of the free.

And the crazy thing is that I earned $0.70 on that copy of my book, that single copy of my book, and the American government wants to take approximately 30% of it. I think it would cost more in admin fees to process my form than it would be for me to send it back. Hell, it’ll cost more than that to cash the cheque I’d have to send. Through all my research it looks like I would have to fill in several pages of an intimidating document to mail off to the American government, with so many questions that I could so easily get so perilously wrong. I read and reread instructions, fished out documents, realised I didn’t even need those documents, went back to another form, pulled out those documents again and eventually shut the whole thing down and looked at funny pictures instead. I had spent more time looking into the issue than it was worth.

I reckon if the IRS want to chase me up for my two cents then they know where to find me, and I can make a witty joke by telling them my thoughts whilst they haul me off to jail.